Now I know how my mom felt all those times my sister and I would be bickering back and forth! Yelling out "mom" every 10 seconds and then making faces at each other while she turned back to what she was trying to accomplish. No, Grace does not have a sibling to bicker with - and with the tude she displays is not making a good case for a brother or sister, and no she also can't yell out mom - which, at first I was a bit sad about - now, not so much. But boy, can she whine!
The past two evenings she has been absolutely horrendous. I know - I should be describing my daughter with adjectives like "wonderful" "angelic" and "darling" but I would be lying. and I pride myself on not lying. Maybe it is her teeth? Maybe she has gas? Maybe she just likes to whine? I don't know - but I'm yelling Uncle. Last night after about 30 minutes of straight whining and failing arms and legs around - I looked at my sweet little girl and told her to shut the f up. No, I am not proud about this - and I do slightly feel like a bad mom - but I'll get over it. It made Matt and I giggle and was enough to help us through the rest of the whining evening.
I'm not one to tell people what to do or how to feel - but the past 48 hours did want me to express my sentiments. There are a lot of parents that have reacted or will react the same way as me. I don't want you to think you're a bad parent, you're definitely not winning parent of the year, but you're not a bad parent. Maybe I'm just saying this so I feel better about myself? Maybe I'm the whiner?
I picked this song because this band oozes "whine" to me
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
Monday, October 28, 2013
The Library
** Having a hard time writing today - so this one is short.
Hey - I just saw you at school and now I see you here (insert awkward giggles).
That was the brief exchange I witnessed between two teen girls as they passed each other leaving the library with their moms.
That's right - I still go to the library. Call it cheap, call it nostalgic, but I love the experience of walking through the front doors of the library and having the book smell envelopes me. I love looking up books - writing down the 80 digit code just to locate one book. I love that I see grandmas sitting down with their grandchildren reading them books.
The quietness that lives inside of the library - peaceful yet deafening. Is that student here to research for a paper? Why is that old man reading the newspaper at the library? Does that mom really think she will get all three of her kids to behave in here? For me walking into the library is taking a step into another world - when the doors close behind me - so does the outside. I get lost in the shelves of the books. I am calmed by the whispering of the librarian.
I don't think the library is a place where too many people frequent anymore - but next time you're looking to step outside of your world - step into that world.
Hey - I just saw you at school and now I see you here (insert awkward giggles).
That was the brief exchange I witnessed between two teen girls as they passed each other leaving the library with their moms.
That's right - I still go to the library. Call it cheap, call it nostalgic, but I love the experience of walking through the front doors of the library and having the book smell envelopes me. I love looking up books - writing down the 80 digit code just to locate one book. I love that I see grandmas sitting down with their grandchildren reading them books.
The quietness that lives inside of the library - peaceful yet deafening. Is that student here to research for a paper? Why is that old man reading the newspaper at the library? Does that mom really think she will get all three of her kids to behave in here? For me walking into the library is taking a step into another world - when the doors close behind me - so does the outside. I get lost in the shelves of the books. I am calmed by the whispering of the librarian.
I don't think the library is a place where too many people frequent anymore - but next time you're looking to step outside of your world - step into that world.
Friday, October 25, 2013
Tribrow
Immediately after having Grace I felt complete. Emotionally, mentally and physically - I was at peace. There had been a part of me missing since I was a senior in college and with Grace's arrival - I was whole.
Let me stop there.
This is a post about my eyebrow. My sentiments
It was the beginning of my senior year of college at Fordham University - Go Rams! I was looking at myself in the mirror one morning and my eyes went straight to my right eyebrow - part of it was missing! What the heck happened? Where is my eyebrow. Up to that point - I had nice eyebrows - they had a nice arch, not to full but not too thin either. Still to this day I don't know what happened. People have speculated that my friends/roommates shaved part of my eyebrow off while I was sleeping. We played tricks on each other - but not like that. Others have thought the hair follicle was probably damaged and the hair fell out and wouldn't grow back.
Since my right eyebrow wasn't completely gone just had a gaping hole in the middle of it - my nickname senior year, Tribrow!
Over the years I have covered up my shame by coloring in my eyebrow, like an impostor. Rare occasions did I leave the house without creating symmetry on my face. I can recall a dinner at my sister and brother in laws house a couple years back - mind you that was probably 6 or 7 years after "the incident"- my dad was looking at my funny and then he blurts What happened to your eyebrow? Was he not that perceptive? Or was my tribrow not that noticeable?
Fast forward time to last year while I was pregnant... It was as though my body knew while growing that little body inside of me, it was sprouting little hairs on my eyebrow.
I don't know what changed, maybe pregnancy hormones? maybe damaged follicle finally healed? Not sure - but what I am sure about is that it looks like I have two eyebrows instead of three.
Let me stop there.
This is a post about my eyebrow. My sentiments
It was the beginning of my senior year of college at Fordham University - Go Rams! I was looking at myself in the mirror one morning and my eyes went straight to my right eyebrow - part of it was missing! What the heck happened? Where is my eyebrow. Up to that point - I had nice eyebrows - they had a nice arch, not to full but not too thin either. Still to this day I don't know what happened. People have speculated that my friends/roommates shaved part of my eyebrow off while I was sleeping. We played tricks on each other - but not like that. Others have thought the hair follicle was probably damaged and the hair fell out and wouldn't grow back.
Since my right eyebrow wasn't completely gone just had a gaping hole in the middle of it - my nickname senior year, Tribrow!
Over the years I have covered up my shame by coloring in my eyebrow, like an impostor. Rare occasions did I leave the house without creating symmetry on my face. I can recall a dinner at my sister and brother in laws house a couple years back - mind you that was probably 6 or 7 years after "the incident"- my dad was looking at my funny and then he blurts What happened to your eyebrow? Was he not that perceptive? Or was my tribrow not that noticeable?
Fast forward time to last year while I was pregnant... It was as though my body knew while growing that little body inside of me, it was sprouting little hairs on my eyebrow.
I don't know what changed, maybe pregnancy hormones? maybe damaged follicle finally healed? Not sure - but what I am sure about is that it looks like I have two eyebrows instead of three.
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
Finding my balance
The past two weeks I have been extremely busy at work. Which is great - but finding the balance between work life, home life and time for myself has been a struggle. I find myself distracted - when I am at work I am thinking about Grace, when I am with Grace I am thinking about work, when I am at the gym I am thinking about everything (including how my shoulder muscles are looking more defined).
The mind game that goes along with this balancing act is a doozy. Last night I was at a work function until 8pm. Matt had to put Grace down to sleep - when I came home, I was sad. The devil on my shoulder reminded me that I missed kissing Grace and rocking her to bed - and it was telling me I was a bad mom! So when that damn devil was giving me grief this morning about going to the gym today after work - I was too meek to fight back - I rushed home to play with Grace and I loved every second of it - minus the poop that was smeared on me.
What I am learning is there will be times when life can't be perfectly divided into compartments - there will be times when some things will have to give. I'm also learning to not beat myself up - guilt is not a productive emotion. And that devil can go straight to Georgia...
Listen!!
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Even though I don't feel like a superhero - doesn't mean my daughter can't!
The mind game that goes along with this balancing act is a doozy. Last night I was at a work function until 8pm. Matt had to put Grace down to sleep - when I came home, I was sad. The devil on my shoulder reminded me that I missed kissing Grace and rocking her to bed - and it was telling me I was a bad mom! So when that damn devil was giving me grief this morning about going to the gym today after work - I was too meek to fight back - I rushed home to play with Grace and I loved every second of it - minus the poop that was smeared on me.
What I am learning is there will be times when life can't be perfectly divided into compartments - there will be times when some things will have to give. I'm also learning to not beat myself up - guilt is not a productive emotion. And that devil can go straight to Georgia...
Listen!!
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Even though I don't feel like a superhero - doesn't mean my daughter can't!
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| Grace's cape courtesy my wonderful friend, Laurie! |
Monday, October 21, 2013
Monday Monday
This is how I started my week...........
After our half naked play session - I took Grace for her inaugural trip to the "grown up" gym. I wanted to attempt to leave her in the kids care that my gym offers to members. I signed her in, handed her over and slipped out the door. I thought to myself ehh, that wasn't too bad, maybe this separation anxiety won't be so bad! 25 minutes later - in the midst of my bicep curls, I saw one of the caretakers aimlessly looking around the gym floor and I knew - my workout was over. We locked eyes and smirked at each other - She was tapping out. After 10 minutes of on and off shrieking, crying and borderline hyperventilating - I finally got Grace back to reality....
Later on in the afternoon, we compromised and I took her for a jog.
We'll try the gym next week..
 |
| No need to play with toys when you have diapers |
 |
| My little Matthew McConaughey |
After our half naked play session - I took Grace for her inaugural trip to the "grown up" gym. I wanted to attempt to leave her in the kids care that my gym offers to members. I signed her in, handed her over and slipped out the door. I thought to myself ehh, that wasn't too bad, maybe this separation anxiety won't be so bad! 25 minutes later - in the midst of my bicep curls, I saw one of the caretakers aimlessly looking around the gym floor and I knew - my workout was over. We locked eyes and smirked at each other - She was tapping out. After 10 minutes of on and off shrieking, crying and borderline hyperventilating - I finally got Grace back to reality....
Later on in the afternoon, we compromised and I took her for a jog.
We'll try the gym next week..
Sunday, October 20, 2013
We need these walks
Now that Grace is on the move - the dinky little carpet we had in our den would no longer suffice. After much parousing (not really), Matt and I saw a carpet we liked - we borrowed my parents car, because it is bigger than ours, shoved the 10X13 rug into the car and brought it home. Now, Grace has a nice big surface to crawl and play on. We even tested it out this morning with a family dance party.
It is usually house improvements and/or additions that turn our home upside down. This one was no different. Besides rearranging furniture and sweeping up massive amounts of dust bunnies - this rug brought up a lot of old dirt between Matt and I.
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On a nice cool, crisp, sunny Sunday morning we went on a family walk. We started off happy - ended up not so much. For your sake and Matt's, I'll give you an abridged version:
"I really enjoy where our life is."
"That's not the impression I get Allie- you're always talking about moving away from Texas and how you hate our house. I think you're unhappy" And that really made me unhappy!
"I'm not unhappy - why would you say that? Just because I have said recently I might want to move away from Texas? Can't I say that without you thinking I am unhappy?
"Well - yes, and because you said the other week you were "unhappy"
"No! I never said I was unhappy. I like our life - can't I just complain about things without it meaning I am unhappy?"
You get the point. This back and forth went on for about 10-15 minutes....
A lot of issues were discussed, many tears shed and some curse words exchanged. Not a nice family walk that was intended, but it was our family walk. We need these walks. I would be lying to myself if I thought Matt and I shouldn't fight. It is through these fights that we learn more from each other and about each other. We are a new family, there will be lessons learned and much growing - but it is mornings like these that make me appreciate the foundation Matt and I have. And it also helps makes me realize - you should never sweep anything under the rug.
Sunday's Pick
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Pictures from family dance party:
It is usually house improvements and/or additions that turn our home upside down. This one was no different. Besides rearranging furniture and sweeping up massive amounts of dust bunnies - this rug brought up a lot of old dirt between Matt and I.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
On a nice cool, crisp, sunny Sunday morning we went on a family walk. We started off happy - ended up not so much. For your sake and Matt's, I'll give you an abridged version:
"I really enjoy where our life is."
"That's not the impression I get Allie- you're always talking about moving away from Texas and how you hate our house. I think you're unhappy" And that really made me unhappy!
"I'm not unhappy - why would you say that? Just because I have said recently I might want to move away from Texas? Can't I say that without you thinking I am unhappy?
"Well - yes, and because you said the other week you were "unhappy"
"No! I never said I was unhappy. I like our life - can't I just complain about things without it meaning I am unhappy?"
You get the point. This back and forth went on for about 10-15 minutes....
A lot of issues were discussed, many tears shed and some curse words exchanged. Not a nice family walk that was intended, but it was our family walk. We need these walks. I would be lying to myself if I thought Matt and I shouldn't fight. It is through these fights that we learn more from each other and about each other. We are a new family, there will be lessons learned and much growing - but it is mornings like these that make me appreciate the foundation Matt and I have. And it also helps makes me realize - you should never sweep anything under the rug.
Sunday's Pick
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Pictures from family dance party:
Thursday, October 17, 2013
Miss Independent
This evening as I watched Grace move on the ground crawling from toy to toy, I was inspired, yet again, by my little girl. Over the past week I have seen a maturity in her - I know, kind of odd to say when speaking of an 8 1/2 month old - but I noticed that my little Aquarius has become quite the independent lad. I don't mean just physically. Mentally and emotionally I have seen a growth in her that most people will never achieve.
Yes, she still flips her shit when she sees me coming into a room, but I know many men that would be equally as enthused if they knew they had boobies coming their way. In some sort of munchausen way, I like that she yearns for me - as I do her. I don't know if it because I think her excitement is her way of expressing love for me or I am so narcissistic I just like it. I'm not sure why?! Sorry, I digress. Back to Grace's growth.
I am constantly in awe by her independence, confidence and drive - again, might be odd to say when speaking of an 8 1/2 month old, but there is something inspirational about watching a person figure out life. To self soothe when they are in a snit or to not be able to speak but to make their voice be heard. I have reflected a lot about my own independence and confidence - how do I make my voice heard? how do I self soothe? All of these questions that once filled my mind with self doubt - now give me strength.
Tonight while playing - she held onto a toy and pulled herself up. Just like that (snapping my fingers). And just like that - she let go and was standing on her own. I could see in her eyes she was telling me: hey mom look at what I am doing!? I am standing by myself.
Yes, Grace. I'm so proud of you! - and it is through you I learn to stand on my own.
** Usual soundtrack
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Yes, she still flips her shit when she sees me coming into a room, but I know many men that would be equally as enthused if they knew they had boobies coming their way. In some sort of munchausen way, I like that she yearns for me - as I do her. I don't know if it because I think her excitement is her way of expressing love for me or I am so narcissistic I just like it. I'm not sure why?! Sorry, I digress. Back to Grace's growth.
I am constantly in awe by her independence, confidence and drive - again, might be odd to say when speaking of an 8 1/2 month old, but there is something inspirational about watching a person figure out life. To self soothe when they are in a snit or to not be able to speak but to make their voice be heard. I have reflected a lot about my own independence and confidence - how do I make my voice heard? how do I self soothe? All of these questions that once filled my mind with self doubt - now give me strength.
Tonight while playing - she held onto a toy and pulled herself up. Just like that (snapping my fingers). And just like that - she let go and was standing on her own. I could see in her eyes she was telling me: hey mom look at what I am doing!? I am standing by myself.
Yes, Grace. I'm so proud of you! - and it is through you I learn to stand on my own.
** Usual soundtrack
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Wednesday, October 16, 2013
Tis the season
It's been raining on and off for the past five days....I know for people in Seattle that's nothing, but for Austin, it's a monsoon. I've been talking a lot of about the weather lately - but it's the changing of the seasons and when it isn't sunny and hot in Austin - EVERYONE is talking about the weather, so I've hopped on the bandwagon.
For our household, lower temperatures mean a lot of things -
**Got to have music while you read: Love this song!
Chili, Soup & Braised Meats! - I love sitting at home watching football on Sundays and gradually find my house smelling like an oven...
Fires - we finally get to utilize the fireplace - this doesn't normally happen now but come December/January time, it's a party.
Socks, Sweaters & My pink robe - I've never seen two people strip so fast - but Matt and I are out of our work clothes and in comfy sweaters and socks within seconds of walking into the house. My outfit is not complete without wrapping myself up in my pink robe.
Walks with Pumpkin Spice Lattes - Nothing beats a casual walk holding hands with Matt- that is, until the casual walk includes one hand on a pumpkin spice latte!!
Baking - I wish I could say I was in the kitchen being a good little wife baking cookies for my husband - but, that's not happening. No! the baking in this household is done by Matt - and I absolutely love the this time of year because he is the Pillsbury dough boy.
Baths - Not sure how much time Grace will allow for a bath - but soaking in a warm water with my iPhone playing Sarah McLaughlin is a fantasy.
Hot Chocolate - the sweetest evening treat - Nothing like curling up on the couch, snuggled under a blanket sipping on a warm cup of chocolate topped with whipped cream.
Ahh!! - I love this weather - I think I need to move to Alaska.
For our household, lower temperatures mean a lot of things -
**Got to have music while you read: Love this song!
Chili, Soup & Braised Meats! - I love sitting at home watching football on Sundays and gradually find my house smelling like an oven...
Fires - we finally get to utilize the fireplace - this doesn't normally happen now but come December/January time, it's a party.
Socks, Sweaters & My pink robe - I've never seen two people strip so fast - but Matt and I are out of our work clothes and in comfy sweaters and socks within seconds of walking into the house. My outfit is not complete without wrapping myself up in my pink robe.
Walks with Pumpkin Spice Lattes - Nothing beats a casual walk holding hands with Matt- that is, until the casual walk includes one hand on a pumpkin spice latte!!
Baking - I wish I could say I was in the kitchen being a good little wife baking cookies for my husband - but, that's not happening. No! the baking in this household is done by Matt - and I absolutely love the this time of year because he is the Pillsbury dough boy.
Baths - Not sure how much time Grace will allow for a bath - but soaking in a warm water with my iPhone playing Sarah McLaughlin is a fantasy.
Hot Chocolate - the sweetest evening treat - Nothing like curling up on the couch, snuggled under a blanket sipping on a warm cup of chocolate topped with whipped cream.
Babble
Check out my blog's nomination on Babble's 100 Best Blogger's in 2013...
Share with friends, family, etc.
I do not normally like to shamelessly promote myself but this is an exciting opportunity and love all the support and feedback.
Also - I love reading comments left on my blog - so please feel free to comment away ( good, bad - whatever your heart desires).
Thanks!!!
Allie
http://www.babble.com/babble-100/babble-100-readers-choice/?c=Like+You+cared&=+
Share with friends, family, etc.
I do not normally like to shamelessly promote myself but this is an exciting opportunity and love all the support and feedback.
Also - I love reading comments left on my blog - so please feel free to comment away ( good, bad - whatever your heart desires).
Thanks!!!
Allie
http://www.babble.com/babble-100/babble-100-readers-choice/?c=Like+You+cared&=+
Monday, October 14, 2013
Change..
With the temperatures taking a dip into the 70s and a plethora of rain - that would even make the drought sayers happy, Fall has finally arrived in Central Texas. It is time for us to join the rest of the country in the Fall obsessions of sweatshirts, bonfires, and pumpkin spice lattes. To me, Fall is the best time of year. And it is definitely the time of year to celebrate in Texas. It's when you say to yourself -Summer, I beat you...see ya in six months, a hole. It's when you get to rearrange your closet so your jeans and long sleeve shirts are visible - but still get to wear a t shirt and sandals. It's when the sun is positioned perfectly in the sky - how the beam of rays trickle through the falling leaves.
U2 talks to me
The arrival of Fall was not the only exciting development over the weekend. We're sportin new do's as well...Besides Matt's stylish haircut a couple months back - this was Grace's first"official" haircut.
She must have felt the changing of the season as well. Another tooth popped and a new swagger accompanies her new hairdo. She's gone from stationary to scootin' - her "crawl" is not perfected yet but she is on the move and already on a mission. It's so much fun watching my little girl navigate her way through her tiny world - and now, around our floors - which reminds me, I need to add "new rug" to my purchase list.
Normally being a bit resistant to change - minus when it comes to the seasons, this little girl eases my anxieties by teaching me to embrace the present and know everything will fall into place
U2 talks to me
The arrival of Fall was not the only exciting development over the weekend. We're sportin new do's as well...Besides Matt's stylish haircut a couple months back - this was Grace's first"official" haircut.
She must have felt the changing of the season as well. Another tooth popped and a new swagger accompanies her new hairdo. She's gone from stationary to scootin' - her "crawl" is not perfected yet but she is on the move and already on a mission. It's so much fun watching my little girl navigate her way through her tiny world - and now, around our floors - which reminds me, I need to add "new rug" to my purchase list.
Normally being a bit resistant to change - minus when it comes to the seasons, this little girl eases my anxieties by teaching me to embrace the present and know everything will fall into place
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