Another year of regrets...

Today I celebrate my 31st birthday, but feel like I should be turning 18.  As time quickly marches forward, I find myself reflecting backwards.  Thinking of all the good and bad things I have experienced in the 372 months I have been on this Earth, that's right - I had the audacity to say that amount of months.  You could say Birthdays are a cathartic.

People say life is too short for regrets but I have a hard time with this.

re·gret

[ri-gret]

VERB (USED WITH OBJECT) [RE·GRET·TED, RE·GRET·TING.]

1.

to feel sorrow or remorse for (an act, fault, disappointment, etc.): He no sooner spoke than he regretted it.

If we never regretted something we said, or something we did, than learning from our mistakes seems impossible.  I don't think having 'regrets' is a productive emotion but I do think it allows us to reflect on what or who is important to us.  I believe I would be a lonely person if I didn't regret anything I said or did.  I also believe I would be completely oblivious if I didn't live with regret.  To me, living without it means I wouldn't have the capacity to learn, change and become a better person. Not saying everybody should go out and do things they will regret, but if you do - don't regret the regret!?

What a debbie downer of posts - but today, my birthday present to myself is to be grateful for everything in my life.  For my experiences. For my friends.  For my family.  For my loved ones.  For my regrets...because without them, I wouldn't be growing up.

Oil Pulling

It was like playing charades this morning in our house.  My mouth was full of coconut oil  - so trying to communicate today's plan of attack was a sight to see. What! Say that again? You didn't think I was just going to glaze over the fact that I was swishing coconut oil in my mouth.  Seems strange and indeed it is. Although a new addition to my regimen, "oil pulling" as it is called has been around for quite some time. Read More about Oil Pulling.

With recent ailments running through our house, I looked inward at my own health and wanted to improve on a few things.  I've heard about oil pulling before and there have been many times were I was extremely close to scooping the coconut oil into my mouth - but it wasn't until the other day in the middle of what I was calling "my healing crisis" from my deep tissue massage from physical therapy that I wanted to keep this detoxification process going.  With much hesitation, I went into the pantry, pulled out the coconut oil and jammed a tablespoon of the ooey gooey oil into my mouth.  Not going to lie, I thought I was going to vomit right then and there but I didn't, so I went on my merry way swishing about.   

Swish Swish Swish Swish - oh boy, 15 minutes seemed like an eternity.

I try to distract myself while swishing - unloading the dishwasher, feeding grace breakfast or pretty much anything that keeps my mind off what is actually happening.  It's too soon to see if this has had any impact on my health - I'll keep you posted on my swishing habits!

The Dad Diaries

Happy Fathers Day!! A glimpse into Matts celebratory weekend.

My Father's Day weekend was packed. I'm just now getting a little free time to sit down and write about it. First of all, I'm so humbled to be invited back to Allie's blog. It's a treat to put my thoughts out there for the internet to look on and judge. Anyway, as I was saying, my weekend was packed. On Friday night, we had reservations on a pub crawler. On Saturday morning, I had a paintballing trip with friends from work. Saturday night, we got invited to a party at our friends' house. On Sunday morning, I couldn't wait to celebrate Father's Day by going nuts at Magnolia Cafe and eating some pancakes that would make me blush and probably make me question the actual versus perceived size of my stomach. We just finished eating some pizza for dinner, which I've been jonesin' for about a month now. And now, my watch begins... well, in about two-and-a-half hours... my Game of Thrones finale watch begins. I shall take no wives and father no children... or one of each, and I shall shovel ice cream down my throat.

Well, I'd like to say that's how my weekend went down. About twenty percent of it is true. I just ate some pizza, and I'll definitely be simultaneously watching Game of Thrones and spooning out embarrassing amounts of ice cream into my gullet. In actuality, a large portion of my Father's Day weekend was spent like this:

Ah, the joys of parenting -- finer moments, not displayed

Apologies for the incoming rant in stream-of-consciousness format.

On Friday morning, Grace had a runny nose. Nothing to speak of, really. The day rolled on, and Grace developed a fever. My mid-afternoon, it was decided that Allie would get a night out since I'd have a Saturday morning to myself. When it came time for Allie to actually leave the house, Grace was screaming inconsolably with a 103+ temperature. I guess she's not going out either. We spent Friday night at the pediatrician's office (we were told that she looked fine and it was probably the beginnings of a simple cold).

The following morning, I made the decision (with much resistance from Allie) to stay at home and help out with Grace since the fever wasn't getting much better. I wasn't feeling too hot, either. However, Allie and I did get a chance to run a marathon session of the second season of Orange is the New Black in between Grace's random crying fits. Saturday night rolled around, and Grace finally gave in to actual sleep. Her on-and-off "sleep" throughout the day was being passed between Allie and me huddled between a blanket and a chest or stomach. We were relieved that she found some comfort in her own, slightly-elevated bed.

On Sunday morning, we did get a little bit of relief. I still felt pretty crappy, BUT Grace slept until about 5 a.m. in her bed, and she managed to sleep in our bed until a little after 6. After that, Allie's parents brought bagels and Starbucks over to the house. I'll never complain about that. The rest of the day was spent trying to keep Grace entertained and/or not crying while watching a DVR'd Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony or World Cup coverage.

Now, I know a lot of people are thinking, "Suck it up, you got yourself into this, and [so-and-so] has it much worse." You're right. I'd like to say it's super easy being a dad all the time, and the joys of being a father always outweighs the relatively mild sacrifices you'll have to make along the way. Well, the scales don't always tip in your favor. Sometimes, your kid will get sick... and then get you sick... all while splatting a dirty diaper on your previously-perceived jam-packed and exciting weekend plans. That happens.

HOWEVER (thank God he got to the "HOWEVER", right?), I spent the entire weekend feeling worried about someone that I love so much and couldn't possibly imagine my life without now. I spent half of my day on Saturday with Grace draped across my chest, a place that she hasn't used for rest in probably a year. It gave me a chance to reflect on the wild journey fatherhood has been and how much I've changed in the past 16-17 months. I have a world of fear and hurt ahead of me, but I have even more love and pride and joy awaiting me in Grace's coming lifespan. And I can't wait for it. I'm so proud to be Grace's father on this day.

Somewhat finer moment in parenting history

Now, I hear Grace crying downstairs with Allie during mealtime. She's still not 100%, but she's getting better.

Wild World

Hi there!  It's been absolutely too long since I last wrote.  I wish I could say I was on a glamorous trip to Europe and couldn't find the time to write, but, that's not the case.  I've just been busy with typical daily life to find the time to write.  Over the past month, we've geared up for some upcoming plans: weddings, fundraisers, birthday parties, vacations, etc...  But it's what happened this morning that was weighing heavily on my mind for the past month (s), er, 16 months.

 Wild World

I always knew I would go back to work after having Grace.  When I left her home with the nanny for my first day back to work after maternity leave, I was a wreck.  I'm told this is very normal.  I was a wreck for the first couple of months, and then it was if we hit a smooth road and things were working seamlessly.  THEN, our nanny had to leave us, so we had to adjust to another nanny taking care of Grace, THEN that nanny left and we had to adjust to another nanny.  Matt, Grace and I were exhausted from all this adjusting - so Matt and I made the decision that come summertime we would put Grace in "school."

Fast forward four months - today was Grace's first day at "school."  Even though I have been leaving my little girl since she was 12 weeks old, I wasn't quite prepared for this.  I left her in a new environment, on her own, with nothing but lunch and her blanket.  My head knows this is a great opportunity for her, she will form relationships and bonds with kids her own age, teachers that will love her, and she will learn to become an independent little girl.  Of course when it comes to ones we love, we don't always necessarily listen to our head, but rather our heart.  And my heart hurts today.  It hurts because as I said goodbye to Gracie today I could see she was a little confused as to why Matt and I were leaving.  It hurts because as soon as we walked out of the room, I looked to Matt who was overcome with emotion.  It hurts because I know that this is only the beginning of us having to let our little bird out of the nest to fly on her own.

Grace before her first day of "school"