Ideal Day

I woke up at 7:30am, came downstairs and made myself a hot cup of half-caff coffee (the full caff makes me too jittery).  I started to write my blog as I curled up with my cup of coffee, warm cozy blanket, music softly playing in the background while the fire roared from the fireplace and the Christmas Tree lights twinkled.  After about an hour later, I got dressed for my Pilates reformer session.  I couldn't wait to get a great full body workout while stretching out some achy spots in my hip and back.  I stretched, I sweated, I stabilized, I did all things Pilates and when it was over, it was time to take a nice hot shower.  It was one of those walk-in showers that has the shower heads coming from the ceiling, the walls, and pretty much everywhere.  It was one of those showers that you don't want to end; you stay in until your skin is pruned. 

After toweling off, I had an appointment for a full body massage and facial.  I was greeted by this lovely lady that handed me a mimosa.  The mimosa was the perfect blend of OJ to Champagne.  I was getting tipsy by the end of the first one, but didn't say No to a refill that was offered.  I laid on the massage table and let the masseuse work her magic.  I felt the anxiety, stress and tension leave my body and before I knew it I was sleeping.  I awoken when she tapped me on my shoulder to let me know my massage was over, but that we would begin my facial.  Sadness followed by glee.  I absolutely love facials.  I felt my skin slowly getting softer and hydrated by the second and when I got up to look in the mirror after my facial, my face was glowing.

I was starving by this point, so I met my mom, dad and sister for lunch.  Since it was a cooler day here in Austin, we sat out on the restaurants patio with a heat lamp by our table.  We laughed a lot, teased a lot and ate a lot.  These lunches are never long enough, but how lucky am I that I get to have them!?  We said our goodbyes and promised that it wouldn't be long before we met up again.

I had some time to kill before I met up with friends for happy hour, so I went home, relaxed on the couch and continued reading the book I had just gotten from the library the other day.  It is one of those books that engulfs you; as you read you slowly become a character in the book.  Two hours passed by and it was time for me the meet up with my friends for happy hour.  I didn't have much time because I was meeting Matt for dinner, so as I sipped my chilled Lemon Drop Martini, I soaked up every second catching up with my friends.  We don't get together often, but when we do, we don't skip a beat.  We talk jobs, politics religion, love, family, -- pretty much anything and everything under the Sun.  Because friends can forgive each other for their differences.  I was just telling my friends about the relaxing day I had thus far when I looked at my watch and realized I was to meet Matt in about 10 minutes.  I called an Uber and met him at this new restaurant he wanted to try.  I usually let Matt pick the places, because he LOVES food and really enjoys the whole going out experience.  If it has food and drinks, count me in! 

When I walked into the restaurant, Matt was waiting for me looking handsome.  I am lucky, not only did I marry a funny, generous, caring man, but he is handsome as well.  We quickly got sat in a corner booth and started our date night.  I ordered another Lemon Drop Martini because WHY NOT?! and Matt sipped on some Bourbon concoction.  It's always re-energizing having adult time with my husband - between work, kids, and life - we don't have nearly as much time together as needed.  Dinner was delicious but as the check was dropped off at our table, I felt a twinge of tiredness creep into my body.  It was time to go home.

As I crept up the stairs in my house I was about to encounter the best part of my day, my girls.  Grace snuggled comfy in her bed and Peyton swaddled in her crib.  I gave them each a kiss and whispered to them how much I loved them and I'd see them in the morning - being very careful to not wake them up. And as my head hit the pillow and my eyes closed for the evening, I smiled and thought - 'now that was an ideal day'

And as my brain switched from fantasy to reality, the cries from the backseat started.  I smiled at Matt and said  - 'Now tell me about what your ideal day would look like?'

*********************************************************************************

Disclaimers:
*Yes, my ideal day doesn't have much interaction with my two small children.  Does that make me a bad mom?  I don't think so, it makes me a smart one.

*Yes, my ideal day involves lots of drinking.  Does that make me an alcoholic?  I don't think so, I just have been fantasying for drinking for the past 11 months.

*Yes, my ideal day involves pampering myself.  Does that make me selfish? I don't think so, it makes me recharged to take on more obstacles.

What does your ideal day look like?  For now, my ideal day looks like this!

There is beauty in the breakdown

Here we are, just past our 9 week mark of when our newest family member entered the World, and I am utterly exhausted, anxious, feeling like crap and overwhelmed.  I thought being  a mom second time around would be easier... haha, oh Allie, when will you ever learn, nothing you do is normal.  Nope! Given, I am five years old this time around, and holy shit, that totally makes a difference.

Recovery has been anything but a walk in the park, which by the way I imagined foolishly I would be doing with my newborn at this point in time.  After my repeat c-section I was plagued with immense pain....not from the c-section, nope but from TRAPPED GAS!  If you have ever had this pain, you know it no joke - for a good 24 hours I was withering in pain and could not take a deep breath or move a certain way because it felt like I was being stabbed on along my right side of my body.  I will never take my intestines and the art of passing gas for granted ever again, not that I ever did! I seriously considered that pain to be worse than after my OPEN HEART SURGERY!  WHATTTTTT! you crazy girl!!!  But seriously, I was hurting.

Then came my sore, cracked bleeding nipples from breastfeeding!  oh yes, someone suckling on my teets ever 2 hours wasn't as dreamy and loving as people make it out to be  Sorry La Leche League, you can bite the big one on this.  For a good week,  I had to pump only on my left boob, because the idea of Peyton latching on made my toes curled.  I dipped my nipple in salt water, air dried it, applied lanolin cream, wore a nipple guard - did everything, and a good week later my nip was in working order and open for business.

Maybe two uneventful weeks went by and then I woke up one morning feeling like I got hit by a truck - achy all over, headache that was pounding, chills and eventually a fever.   I got the flu shot, it cant be that, right?  As the day went on I was going downhill fast and that's when sweet little Peyton was taking a nap on my chest and moved and I felt a hard, tender spot on my right boob!  Yup, I had Mastitis! Its when a milk duct gets clogged and causes inflammation and infection in your boob.  But not only does it make your boob red, tender and achy, it truly makes you feel like shit!  A round of antibiotics later, my boob is healed and I am feeling physically much better..

All the while this was going on, my post partum anxiety was creeping up.  I had a really tough time at the beginning of this pregnancy with anxiety for about the first 16 weeks -- Thank you HORMONES.  Well, I guess these hormones are wrecking havoc again because my anxiety is wanting to welcome Peyton into the world as well.  Anxiety looks and feels different on all people, mine just so happens to make me feel off -balanced, rocking, swaying when I walk.   You know, if maybe you have had too many cocktails at your company's Christmas party or after you charter a yacht in st. barts and you get back on land - and you still feel like your swaying.  Well that's what mine feels like.  I know its from exhaustion, hormones and my body physically recovering from child birth, but holy shizzy, can I just get off this ride?  Although everyday is tough, the days seem like they'll never end, I also know that everyday I am getting stronger, in body and mind.

I realize how lucky I am to have anther healthy, happy, beautiful baby girl.  To be loved and supported by wonderful friends and family,  but I also realize the importance to shed some light on how a new mom, a second time mom, even a mom doing this for the fifth time might be struggling.  Having baby isn't all rainbows and butterflies; its trapped gas, bleeding nips, immense about of pain, anxiety out the wazoo.

It will get better.  I don't know when, but it will.  There is beauty in the breakdown