Grace Renly
At 36 weeks you were in the breech position. The doctor told us if you didn't turn by the following week she would want to schedule a C-section. I cried and cried. It wasn't until that moment did I realize how badly I wanted to feel labor. After a week of having "dada" shine bright lights and sing up my vajayjay (I'll explain when you're older), the doctor had surprising news that you did indeed switch positions - I was ecstatic! I also already knew that you were stubborn and would do things at your own pace. We waited and waited...38, 39, 40 weeks passed. By week 41 - I was ready to meet you. And the Braxton Hicks contractions were just no fun. Advised by the doctor, we went to the hospital on Wednesday evening, January 23rd to start the induction process. I had to have a procedure done that would help the labor process along but it had to be done overnight - I was too nervous and excited for the following day, there was not much sleep for me. I was jealous as I looked at your father sleeping on the pull out couch in our hospital room. I laid awake in the darkness thinking of how our lives were about to change. Every 30 seconds I looked at the FHR (fetal heart rate) monitor to make sure you were doing well, but the monitor was so distracting that I asked the nurse to shut it off. We had spent many nights without a monitor, so why start now? I eventually closed my eyes and fell asleep.
January 24 2013
It was around 6am when the nurse came into the room to start me on Pitocin. Not going to lie, this is when I started to poop my pants a little (not literally). Next thing I knew I was starting to have stronger and stronger contractions. Every so often, the nurse, Jen, would come into the room to up the Pitocin drip so the contractions would continue to get stronger. I did not want to stay in bed, I walked, I bounced, I rocked, I did anything they would let me do...By 9am, the doctor made her rounds, checked my progress, or lack of, and decided to break my water.....yoawza - that was a bit uncomfortable. But I knew labor would be. So after much poking and prodding, I was back to letting gravity do its trick. The contractions were definitely stronger and getting more painful. One minute I would be laughing with Dada and Cici and the next I would be breathing heavily asking them to shut the hell up! As my pain threshold started to wear down, I felt myself getting more and more defeated with the process - Dada and Cici never leaving my side help distract me and get through moments of agonizing pain.
It was around 5pm when I no longer could take the pain and asked for an epidural. The anesthesiologist aka my best friend came into the room, did his magic and besides almost passing out from the epidural and no longer had feeling in my legs within 30 minutes I was back to smiling and laughing. Dada, Cici, Pop, Grandma, Grandpa and Leelee were all in the room when the doctor came in to "check me" one last time. They quickly left giving us privacy and as the doctor proceeded her examination, I was hoping over the past several hours of pulling my hair out back labor (yes, back labor!!!) there was some progress made, but to no avail...options were C-section or stick something else up my vajayvay to monitor contractions. She gave your dad and I a couple minutes to decide but I knew within a second I wanted to get a C-section. I didn't want to wait until your heart rate dropped or we were in an emergency situation to have to make that call.
This is when things get a little blurry. I remember the family trickled back into the room and I cried and cried, I was scared, I was sad, I was excited, I was.....about to become a mom. I remember Cici holding my hand telling me she was proud of me, that I fought hard that day and that I was making the right decision for you and myself. I hope one day my voice reassures you the way Cici's voice does for me. I gave everybody hugs and kisses and got rolled away.
By this time my whole body was shaking - I was nervous, I was tired, I had the epidural shakes. My biggest fear was them cutting something they weren't supposed to because I shaking uncontrollably. The OR lights were bright, it was cold and I was laying naked on a table with roughly 10 people in the room......modesty out the window. It seemed like forever, but dad was finally brought into the OR, looking extra nervous and adorable in his scrubs. He sat by the right side of my head and talked to the anesthesiologist about UT football. For a moment I was about to yell at them to focus on the task at hand, but I welcomed the distraction and listened to them. Between lots of pressure and tugging going on, I kept visualizing holding you. I wanted to meet you. I wanted to see what you looked like. Time was non existent at this point and the next thing I heard was "Here comes the baby. Oh my goodness you have a toddler in there!" and then from the other doctor in the OR "He is adorable!" I yelled out.. "He??!" I really did not care if you were a boy or girl but in that moment all I could think about was the pink room we would have to repaint. "ahhh, she, I'm sorry!" - Thanks, Doc! I heard your cry and I knew I completed my mission.
I think your dad was in shock because he was still standing by me. I told him to go to you....he reported out loud all fingers and toes were there and that you aced your first test (10 on the apgar). Within a couple of minutes he brought you over to me, and our eyes finally locked. I kissed you, told you I love you and cried.
I know there are details I am probably forgetting but Grace all you need to know is that on January 24, 2013, the day you entered this world is the day you completed mine. Happy 1st Birthday, my love.
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