Back in the Saddle

I busted my hump! I told Matt over and over again with a smile on my face.  I came barreling downstairs sweaty, hair crazy, sporting my bike shorts.  My daily spin has become my sanctuary.  We have a stationary bike up in our bedroom...and no, its not a Peloton.  Maybe this blog could get forwarded to them and they will send me one! (fingers crossed)  Anyway, my parents had an old stationary bike they never used, and about two years ago were looking too get rid of it, so we took it.  Matt had every intention of using it when Peyton was born, and I think he did use it a couple off times, but let's face it, that guy likes to lift weights.

For months the stationary bike just sat in our bedroom......stationary.

It wasn't until this past Fall. I decided to dust off the bike take off all the clothes that were draped on it and scoured my workout drawer for the pair of bike shorts I had purchased years ago.  

That first day was not a pretty sight.  Literally.  Bike shorts are NOT forgiving and neither are leg muscles after biking.  

I believe I biked for 25 minutes and was spent.  There was a time when I used to run 6 miles before a spin class.  And now, after 25 minutes.  How the mighty have fallen.    I try to practice patience and self-love, but as a former gym rat,  25 minutes seemed pathetic.  I reminded myself that if I wanted to build stamina, I would just have to keep at it.  And that's what I did.    Slowly, I went from 25 minutes a day, 2 days a week to 30 minutes a day, 2 days a week.  Six months later, I dedicate at least 50 minutes a day, 5 days a week.  I crave the saddle.  I find my energy level is much lower if I don't work out.  

People have asked me if I watch any spin classes on YouTube to motivate me.  I've tried.   To be honest, I use the time on the bike for me. To be connected to my body.  To feel my heart getting stronger.  To feel how fast my legs are pumping.  To listen to my thoughts.  To rock out to music of my choice.   To have creative ideas pop into my head.  To have time for myself.

I haven't felt this strong in my body and mind since the summer after my open heart surgery.  The bike is no longer stationary....and neither am I.

Sharing is Caring

I am ready to commit to writing again.  I've been yearning to blog for awhile, but have not sat down in front of the computer and just typed away.  I was either "too tired" or "too busy" but in reality I was too afraid to open up again.

Anyone that knows me, knows I am a pretty direct person.  I believe I come across as confident and energetic, but I am also very fearful.  I am my harshest critic, so the idea of putting myself out for the world (well not the world, but whoever is gracious enough to read this blog) was plaguing me.  As I am approaching the end of my 35th, which I guess is really my 36th year, or if you really want to get technical, 37th year (don't forget the time in utero), I find myself stuck.

Will I also feel this stuck feeling?  Is that just my personality? or has my fear stopped me from pursuing passions, thus the stuck feeling?

If I were  the 20-something years old girl day dreaming about my life, I would've thought that the 35 year old version of myself would have been more advanced in my career, would have traveled more, would've, could've, should've a lot of other things.  The reality is, I haven't traveled as much, I don't even consider myself having a "career" but rather a string of jobs put together to create a decent resume.  What I also realize  is that my reality also includes a very intriguing, tumultuous, challenging, loving, roller coaster of a ride.  I don't think my story is any more special than anyone else's.  I don't think I would win the Gold Medal in tragedy, nor do I want to.  However, if any of the self -reflecting that I have learned over the years has taught me is that sharing my story is important. 

I remember three years ago when I got home from my open heart surgery, I was out with my sister and met up with friends of friends of hers.  I recall one of the women I spoke with was going through a rough patch in her life.  As we spoke about her life and the challenges she was facing and how the week prior I was laying on an operating table undergoing open heart surgery, she looked at me "but your soo positive! Your energy is great.  you really have inspired me."  I thanked her and went on with my day.  It wasn't until a little while later I thought, I just inspired someone by telling her about my life.  How cool is that?

So here I am again.  Trying to break free from the stuck feeling and not allowing fear to stop me.  I am not special. I am not a hero. I am not perfect. I am not a failure.  I am here.....in the now, sharing my story.