I am ready to commit to writing again. I've been yearning to blog for awhile, but have not sat down in front of the computer and just typed away. I was either "too tired" or "too busy" but in reality I was too afraid to open up again.
Anyone that knows me, knows I am a pretty direct person. I believe I come across as confident and energetic, but I am also very fearful. I am my harshest critic, so the idea of putting myself out for the world (well not the world, but whoever is gracious enough to read this blog) was plaguing me. As I am approaching the end of my 35th, which I guess is really my 36th year, or if you really want to get technical, 37th year (don't forget the time in utero), I find myself stuck.
Will I also feel this stuck feeling? Is that just my personality? or has my fear stopped me from pursuing passions, thus the stuck feeling?
If I were the 20-something years old girl day dreaming about my life, I would've thought that the 35 year old version of myself would have been more advanced in my career, would have traveled more, would've, could've, should've a lot of other things. The reality is, I haven't traveled as much, I don't even consider myself having a "career" but rather a string of jobs put together to create a decent resume. What I also realize is that my reality also includes a very intriguing, tumultuous, challenging, loving, roller coaster of a ride. I don't think my story is any more special than anyone else's. I don't think I would win the Gold Medal in tragedy, nor do I want to. However, if any of the self -reflecting that I have learned over the years has taught me is that sharing my story is important.
I remember three years ago when I got home from my open heart surgery, I was out with my sister and met up with friends of friends of hers. I recall one of the women I spoke with was going through a rough patch in her life. As we spoke about her life and the challenges she was facing and how the week prior I was laying on an operating table undergoing open heart surgery, she looked at me "but your soo positive! Your energy is great. you really have inspired me." I thanked her and went on with my day. It wasn't until a little while later I thought, I just inspired someone by telling her about my life. How cool is that?
So here I am again. Trying to break free from the stuck feeling and not allowing fear to stop me. I am not special. I am not a hero. I am not perfect. I am not a failure. I am here.....in the now, sharing my story.
